


lights are shining down (but i feel dead)

by orphan_account



Series: the 25 days of midam [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 25 Days of Midam, Angst, Christmas, Dead Adam Milligan, Hurt Michael (Supernatural), Hurt No Comfort, Letters, M/M, and adam tells michael a story, basically michael writes adam a letter, god i haven’t written angst in days, not specifically in that order
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21622777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dear Adam,I miss you.
Relationships: Michael/Adam Milligan
Series: the 25 days of midam [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558363
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	lights are shining down (but i feel dead)

**Author's Note:**

> prompt; It’s Character A’s first Christmas since a tragedy.
> 
> title from sickly sweet holidays by dallon weekes

“When I was younger, my ma’ and I used to write Christmas cards to each other.” Adam had explained once, during one of the countless number of days in the Cage. “We wrote to each other- thanked each other for everything we’ve done for each other during the year, you know?” 

Michael hasn’t said anything; he never did during Adam’s stories, always fearing of insulting the boy or driving him away. The archangel wouldn’t have been able to live if he did; not in the Cage, not like that. Adam continued on. “I remember... I remember the last year we did it, my ma’ thanked me for being... me. She thanked me for- for staying with her and loving her and just being  me .”

“And- and, God, I read that card so many damn times,” Adam explained, and Michael would reach out to him, his grace comforting him and acting as nothing more than a dull glow in the most isolated part of Hell. “I have it memorized- I-“

“Tell me,” Michael encouraged, his voice just barely a whisper but he knew Adam heard it.

“ _ Dear, Adam, _ ” The man— the _teen_ — started, his eyes trained on something in the distance— although Michael was positive it was nothing. “ _My son- I can’t describe how much of a gift you are in just a letter. I don’t even think I could form the right words to. God must have decided to bless me, because I don’t know how else someone like you could come from someone like- someone like me.” _

Michael put his arm around Adam’s shoulders, pulling the man closer to him. He felt Adam trembling; whether if it was from the cold or the fact he was upset, was one Michael could not answer. “Shh... just take a few deep breaths, Adam.”

“ _ Thank you, Adam. Thank you so much for being my son, my baby. Thank you so much for staying with me this whole time, even when I was a bit of a bitch- pardon my language. Thank you f- for everything you’ve ever done for me. I know things were hard in the past, and I’m so sorry, but you always managed to pull through with a smile. I don’t understand how- but I just wish you could give me your strength. I love you, Adam. Thank you for everything. L- love, mom _ .” Adam finished, his voice trembling as he leaned into Michael’s touch. “That’s all.” He mumbled into the archangel’s shoulder, moving his arms to wrap around Michael’s torso.

“Thank you for sharing,” Michael said, squeezing Adam closer to him. He always thanked Adam; thanked him for sharing the treasured memories and thanked him for considering Michael as trusted enough to share them with— despite everything Michael had caused him to go through. “I appreciate it.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Adam answered, and Michael could almost feel him shutting down, the vulnerability he had shown retreating back inside, his walls shutting down. He didn’t move, though. He stayed beside Michael, clutching onto him as if he was the only thing that mattered. And maybe that was the case— the two of them only had each other.

And maybe that was why Michael felt obligated to do it— it was essential, vital. A necessary task to soothe Michael through the pain— through the  _loss_.

He sat down, and the pen started moving. 

‘ _Dear, Adam_ ,’ He started, knowing exactly what he wanted to say— knowing exactly what he wanted to say to a ghost, to write in a letter that would never be delivered. ‘ _I miss you_.’

‘ _It’s the first Christmas on Earth since I got out of the Cage. And yet, you aren’t here. This was always your favorite holiday; I remember the stories you’d tell me, the memories you’d share. I remember everything about you, Adam_.’ Not once did Michael falter while writing, although his handwriting verged somewhere between neat and messy. ‘ _I never celebrated Christmas. Or any human holiday, for that matter. But here I am, writing you a letter that you’ll never read. I thought it might help me come to terms with everything_.’

‘ _You’re gone. And I know that. I just can not comprehend the fact that I am unable to do anything to change that— to bring you back. It hurts. It hurts so much, knowing that once, I would have been able to. But alas, here I am, feeling sympathy for myself when your soul has been destroyed due to my mistake. I’m sorry, Adam. I’m sorry for failing you. I’m sorry for letting you fade away— for letting you become nothing but a memory. Not even a ghost; and that would be better than what happened to you. I’m sorry for everything I put you through. Thank you for everything. Thank you for teaching me how to be better. Thank you for teaching me how to love. I know you knew it; I know you’ve always known it, but I love you, Adam. Love,_ _Michael_.’

**Author's Note:**

> bruh first bit of angst in this 25 day shit i can’t believe i held off this long?? um yeah new ep tonight and i Really Hope michael and adam are in the promo for 15.08 cause they weren’t in the promo pics lol
> 
> also?? 7 days?? i really Can’t believe this we’re so close


End file.
